Why do kids habitually lie

They may not quite discern the line between reality and fantasy yet, or they may be trying to get attention. Most children outgrow this phase by age 8 and usually can be counted on to tell the truth. Some older children continue to exaggerate, sometimes embellishing their stories so much that they're almost completely untrue.

If your child engages in this kind of bragging, he may lack confidence and feel a need to pump himself up. Maybe he feels peer pressure to be good at something or thinks he has to prove himself to be accepted by a particular clique. It's important not to ridicule your boasting child, or his self-esteem will sink even more.

Show him that you appreciate him just as he is, and praise his legitimate accomplishments. As for the actual lie, deflect the conversation away from it if you can, or calmly tell your child that you know what he said isn't true and that you love him even if he didn't do a triple somersault off the pommel horse in gymnastics class today.

If your child lies to someone else in front of you, don't show him up in public, but wait until you're alone with him. Then gently explain that you know what he said was untrue, and that concocting stories can have disastrous consequences. This might be a good time to tell your child the story of the boy who cried wolf, or read a book about lying together.

A classic is Sam, Bangs and Moonshine by Evaline Ness, in which Sam's refusal to distinguish between fantasy and reality almost causes her to lose her dearest friends. McPhail is a pictorial look at the weight of guilt that can accompany a lie, while Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

The most common kind of lie told by kids is a cover for wrongdoing. The goal is to avoid unpleasantness or punishment. Children learn this tactic at a relatively early age and perfect it as the years go by.

Lies told to escape discipline can put you in a difficult position, because if you punish your child every time he admits to doing something wrong, he may decide he's better off lying because sometimes he gets away with it.

But if you don't punish him, the behavior won't change. And it gets even more complicated if you actually punish the child for lying as well as for the original infraction.

The trick is to find a balance between being permissive and being punitive. According to one study, parents who used moral principles to explain that lying is wrong reduced the frequency of their children's lying, while punishment for lying increased the frequency of lies. Always accompany a punishment with reassurance that your current disappointment doesn't affect how deeply you cherish him.

Kids often take the path of least resistance by telling their parents what they want to hear: "No, I don't have any homework left to do.

Written by: Bright Horizons Education Team. Get our weekly newsletter for all things early child development—from the benefits of pretend play to at-home STEM activities, and teaching kindness—along with encouragement for every stage of your parenting journey. Is your child ready to leave diapers behind?

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Children receive mixed messages. But he's unlikely to respond well to the parenting tactics that worked when he was younger. Instead of just doling out punishments after the fact, most experts agree that your focus should be on opening up communication and developing mutual trust. You can start by giving your adolescent a decent amount of privacy so he won't feel he has to lie to get you off his back.

Show your interest in his activities and friends, but don't butt in. Furthermore, instead of clinging to the rules that worked when he was younger, invite him to help you determine reasonable limits and consequences.

Setting limits signals that you think he can handle a certain amount of freedom but you're still there for guidance, support, and love. Make sure your child understands where you draw the lines and what will happen if he steps over them. When you catch your child in a lie, don't take it personally or give in to anger. Chewing him out won't make him eager to confide in you the next time. Dole out your disapproval and any penalty -- perhaps the temporary removal of a privilege like watching TV -- in a reasonable manner.

If your response is excessive, your child may dig in his heels and really rebel. It may be reasonable to ground your adolescent for a night, but if you pen him in too long, he'll forget about his transgression in the light of what he sees as cruel and unusual treatment. Pay close attention to what your child lies about. If the activities were fairly benign, you may be limiting him too much. Are your rules too strict for a high school student?

Are they in line with those of other families with similar values and concerns? If the lie was a cover-up for risky behavior, you need to once again discuss the rules; emphasize that their purpose is to protect him, not to cramp his style. And remind him of the consequences of breaking the house rules. Last but not least, praise your child when he tells you the truth even though he knows it might upset you. The truth, although painful, is always better than a lie and should be treated that way.

In other words, when your child is this age, you shouldn't punish a wrongdoing to which he admits in the same way you would a wrongdoing that he denies or misrepresents. Of course a serious offense, even if your child fessed up, should have some consequence attached to it, but give him kudos for coming forward and maybe he'll do it more often. A few isolated fibs and half-truths usually don't signal a serious problem, but if your child's lying is combined with a history of other offenses, such as aggressive behavior, stealing, or cutting class, or if he continues to lie regularly even after you've spoken with him about it, you may want to seek professional help.

Consult a mental health professional if your child has one of the following problems:. If you're worried about your child's lying or about your relationship with him, there are several places to turn. Your first step could be to call both your child's doctor and the guidance counselor at his school.

It may be helpful for you and your child to visit the guidance counselor and the doctor separately and then together.